Hopelessly Inappropriate

Adult Erotica & Love Letters


erotic couple

A Sexy Santa Surprise

This is the story of my Santa and me:

You prepared a naked surprise to open my eyes Christmas morning! Your fine physique all shaved and oiled for me stands with a Santa cap and a large red bow-tie wrapped round your waist, hiding your manly balls and bat!

Naked beneath my comforter, which is how I sleep, I sat up with a cry, “My own true naked Santa! My only wish at Christmas time! Come on over here…”

And upon my knees, I crawled to the edge of the bed to best unwrap my present, “Let me massage Santa’s sore lap! But first, I’ll untie this velvet bow and wear it as my hat…while I bow down to play with the gift of your head in my mouth!”

Like a sexy Santa-Superhero, you stand erect, until I put you in and begin to tongue-tease you so that your hands on your hips transfer to my crown…

Then, with you moving down in me at varying depths, my hands fondle your ass and ring your balls until a pearl necklace from you appears about my throat.

Following this Christmas moment, with a whirl, you whisk me to the tub so I can bathe…before the breakfast you serve!

My Box, My Gift

The inside writing of a Christmas card:

After we decided to have a sexy gift exchange, I faltered finding the something that would top your gift to me of peppermint panties. But, finally an idea perked me up!

I have a gift for you.  My diligence in preparation for this moment makes this gift special.  And all yours to unwrap…

Eat off the cover of peppermint panties and behold the waxed smooth, oblong heart split down the middle, waiting with tingling as you breathe over my gift.

Take hold of its sides, spread them wide, and tongue-twiddle the sweet spot made into a mountain by you.  I lie back and sigh…

In and out your tongue lashes me with encouragement as my moans echo through the whole house, with your appreciation for my gift making my pleasure mount…

Your mouth massage quickens your finger probes until I curl my toes as you press with excited expectation in and out…in and out…to which I belt loud, “Oh…honey!”

When we’re done with our gift exchange, the world will know that my box came!

(Should I sent this personalized message;)

A Shower Santa

(I get to teach writing this morning! Of course, I needed an adult moment before my day to laugh and shower the anxiety away. Pressed for time this morning, I thought Burt and Betty’s shower scene would be entertaining;)

Burt asks, “Wanna take a shower with me?”

Burt turns on the shower to warm up, and Betty takes out two towels. While Burt is busy, Betty enters the large, corner shower door. Betty begins wetting her hair, arms following the water down her head, like she’s beneath a waterfall in some rock abyss. Burt quietly comes up behind his wife for a grab-hug scare.

“AHHH!” Betty screeches and laughs away her unconscious fears.

“Like you don’t know it’s me here!” And Burt kisses Betty’s wet neck and twists her so that the water now sprays his back.

Next, he lathers soap in his big, sturdy hands and begins circle-massaging his wife’s round breasts, taking care to give special twists around her nipples already erect, then returning one hand to a whole breast squeeze, while trailing his other hand down her belly to lather the center he just ate, but as he slips one then two fingers in to massage her with a moan, Betty pulls away.

“Wait,” Betty says as she lathers her hands and begins to whiten his chest hair, even giving him a soapy beard. “There. For Halloween, may I tell Santa what I want?” She giggles in his ear.

Burt sits down in the shower’s corner seat, cock solid in the water spraying, saying, “Come sit on Santa’s lap…” He hits his wet thighs with two smacks, “You’ve earned a present, my dear, for being such a dutiful wife this year! Sit your tush right here…”

Burt takes his dick in his hand and waves Betty over to him, and she swings her seat onto his lap, wiggling him in with an elated laugh, with his hands on her hips, eyes watching her ass and his balls kiss, until Betty leans her hand on the wall under the waterfall and bounces upon Bart’s lap hard, legs spread in his seat with Betty knees locked in between, and he feels Betty tense her core muscles, Burt sliding in her wet, deep pussy.

Betty increases the momentum as she begins to massage the bump earlier her husband had licked clean, and thinking of this, she states, “Oh fuck me honey, make me cum…like that but harder, hun…”

And Burt obeys, now standing behind her as she bends nearly over all the way, with her hands on the wall as a brace, and he takes her hips tight in his huge cushion hands, pushing his cock deep then slamming it in and out in smacking succession of hard core passionate thrust of fucking love until…

With a loud “OHHH!” the couple’s cum washed down the drain for a memorable Christmas eve!


My Candy Cane (erotic humor)

(Forgive my sense of humor… lol;)

“Oh look, hun! I forgot to hang the Christmas pickle.” I went to the couch side of our tree, then arranged two shiny silver balls to set it off, “There. what do you think?”

“Typical! Of course you’d find a way to put a penis on our Christmas tree!” And he laughed with me like Santa with a shaking belly.

Sliding onto the ottoman at the edge of our new couch, next to the pickle and balls, I arranged my body into my sexiest pose, “Hey, Santa baby, why don’t you give this house elf a big hard present?”

Pulling my red panties down, he leaned in to lick my candy with his tongue massaging the soft tissue-wrapped bump until I spasm my gooey candy-filling into his mouth.

Then, my Santa baby flipped me over the edge of the couch, pushing his cane into me with a sucking sound, when I moan out loud, “Ride me hard Santa, I’ve been a bad wife! Smack my ass, and discipline me right!”

His silver balls slapping against me while I held on to the back of the couch, as if ready like Rudolf to shoot up and fly through the sky, red as if launched! His hard girth banging in so deep that we both came beside our Christmas tree.

(Boy, wouldn’t this be an AWESOME memory;)



a lick bath

I kiss your lips to increase my mouth’s wetness, then with your ear, I begin. Sucking first each earlobe, my tongue inside your ear, blowing a warm “I love you” before I gnaw down your neck, massaging your shoulders as I then lick-tickle your nipples erect. I take my tongue down your muscular chest, dragging my teeth across your belly-button, then licking its circle with my tongue.

I take your cock and move it to the side, putting your soft sack just inside my lips for a suckle to make you like a rock before my favorite part: sucking your cock until you pop.

I raise my mouth wide, and I put you erect past my teeth, inching your wand up to fill my throat, then arching my bare-breasted chest hanging on tight with my lips at the tip of your dick so my tongue can perform a tantric trick, until I slide you back up through to the back of my throat getting your heart-rate pounding with some deep thrusts.

Quick slides of random depth, I push my tongue against your firmed-slick dick, until I can sense your bone at its biggest strength and width, and my lips vibrate with each pop of your bubble head as I thrust you in and out again.

I drool as my hand covers the space between my mouth    your base, swishing together in repeated motion as you take my crown to help me push you deeper down my throat again, and again, and again, and again…

Your “UUUGHGHGH!” makes my insides wet too. I bet I can come up with something else sexy for us to do…


that sound you make (erotic poetry)

your cock, my mouth

a slow rock in…out

lick round the tip

then back in again

deeper this time

your cock so far

down my throat

with you, I moan

as your breaths

grow shorter

that sound you make

getting louder

with my momentum

at a deep-throat pace

in and out

you slip and slide

with that sound you make


you cum all over

my neck and face!


This addiction is

my hopeless curse!


When you cum

it’s pure pleasure,

for that sound you make

is a reward for

us coming together!


to make dirty the sheets

I guide, your face to my center, you slide…your fingers spread me wide for your tongue to play musical bumps inside, as your eyes watch mine, my hand fondling my breast, you massaging my clit, all the while my body reacts to your tongue like a wave, springing to your mouth’s rhythm…and when your feisty fingers and tongue make me spasm and cum, you flip me over for more fun!

My legs tight in a V with you behind me, thrusting like a beast unleashed, pushing and pushing yourself into me! My bending bending, I fall face-first onto a pillow…then, laying upon my body, my breasts clenched in fists, you slow push with intimacy, and as you kiss my neck, you wrap my hair, like a pony’s tail, riding me to pillow yells! Throwing up my hips, I feel your cock inside hitting again and again…until… dominated by your strength, I succumb to a final release, to make dirty the sheets.

Panting you hold me tight, and with a kiss, I move quick for hand-cuffs from a night stand, ready to steal you from reality with a fantasy of bliss…


(Last revision! I promise;)




Teasing Dick (erotic humor)

If I could…

I’d let you watch me undress

I’d bite your ear lobe

I’d nibble your neck

I’d put your face in my breasts

I’d tickle your thigh up to your dick

I’d swallow you tip to base

I’d take you in again and again

I’d watch your face as you explode

I’d beg for you to fill my hole

I’d put you in and off we’ll go

I’d ride your cock like a bull

I’d bounce and pound us a thrill

until we both yell, “OHHHH!”

And I’d fall over with sweat chills!



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