Hopelessly Inappropriate

Adult Erotica & Love Letters


erotic humor

I can’t help but tingle

smooth deep tenor

bouncing tongue

with a simple hello

I can’t help but tingle


closing my eyes

to my imagination

opening them again

to your surprise


smooth deep tenor

bouncing tongue

“I’m coming to town

to make you cum!”


(I haven’t used this gif in a LONG time! I LOVE HER EXPRESSIONS;)


A Sexy Santa Surprise

This is the story of my Santa and me:

You prepared a naked surprise to open my eyes Christmas morning! Your fine physique all shaved and oiled for me stands with a Santa cap and a large red bow-tie wrapped round your waist, hiding your manly balls and bat!

Naked beneath my comforter, which is how I sleep, I sat up with a cry, “My own true naked Santa! My only wish at Christmas time! Come on over here…”

And upon my knees, I crawled to the edge of the bed to best unwrap my present, “Let me massage Santa’s sore lap! But first, I’ll untie this velvet bow and wear it as my hat…while I bow down to play with the gift of your head in my mouth!”

Like a sexy Santa-Superhero, you stand erect, until I put you in and begin to tongue-tease you so that your hands on your hips transfer to my crown…

Then, with you moving down in me at varying depths, my hands fondle your ass and ring your balls until a pearl necklace from you appears about my throat.

Following this Christmas moment, with a whirl, you whisk me to the tub so I can bathe…before the breakfast you serve!

A Shower Santa

(I get to teach writing this morning! Of course, I needed an adult moment before my day to laugh and shower the anxiety away. Pressed for time this morning, I thought Burt and Betty’s shower scene would be entertaining;)

Burt asks, “Wanna take a shower with me?”

Burt turns on the shower to warm up, and Betty takes out two towels. While Burt is busy, Betty enters the large, corner shower door. Betty begins wetting her hair, arms following the water down her head, like she’s beneath a waterfall in some rock abyss. Burt quietly comes up behind his wife for a grab-hug scare.

“AHHH!” Betty screeches and laughs away her unconscious fears.

“Like you don’t know it’s me here!” And Burt kisses Betty’s wet neck and twists her so that the water now sprays his back.

Next, he lathers soap in his big, sturdy hands and begins circle-massaging his wife’s round breasts, taking care to give special twists around her nipples already erect, then returning one hand to a whole breast squeeze, while trailing his other hand down her belly to lather the center he just ate, but as he slips one then two fingers in to massage her with a moan, Betty pulls away.

“Wait,” Betty says as she lathers her hands and begins to whiten his chest hair, even giving him a soapy beard. “There. For Halloween, may I tell Santa what I want?” She giggles in his ear.

Burt sits down in the shower’s corner seat, cock solid in the water spraying, saying, “Come sit on Santa’s lap…” He hits his wet thighs with two smacks, “You’ve earned a present, my dear, for being such a dutiful wife this year! Sit your tush right here…”

Burt takes his dick in his hand and waves Betty over to him, and she swings her seat onto his lap, wiggling him in with an elated laugh, with his hands on her hips, eyes watching her ass and his balls kiss, until Betty leans her hand on the wall under the waterfall and bounces upon Bart’s lap hard, legs spread in his seat with Betty knees locked in between, and he feels Betty tense her core muscles, Burt sliding in her wet, deep pussy.

Betty increases the momentum as she begins to massage the bump earlier her husband had licked clean, and thinking of this, she states, “Oh fuck me honey, make me cum…like that but harder, hun…”

And Burt obeys, now standing behind her as she bends nearly over all the way, with her hands on the wall as a brace, and he takes her hips tight in his huge cushion hands, pushing his cock deep then slamming it in and out in smacking succession of hard core passionate thrust of fucking love until…

With a loud “OHHH!” the couple’s cum washed down the drain for a memorable Christmas eve!


to relieve the stress of Christmas

About ready to give up watching my money fly away for things that don’t mean anything, constantly cleaning, and now often substitute teaching, I vowed to make the dark days of December a little bit better by coming up with some crazy erotic Christmas poem or story to post every day that’s boring. I guess I would call them smutty holiday fantasies to relieve the stress of the Christmas season.

BE AWARE: I have a hopelessly inappropriate sense of humor!!! Also, pics come and go with my mood, so forgive me if that’s annoying to you;)

My Candy Cane (erotic humor)

(Forgive my sense of humor… lol;)

“Oh look, hun! I forgot to hang the Christmas pickle.” I went to the couch side of our tree, then arranged two shiny silver balls to set it off, “There. what do you think?”

“Typical! Of course you’d find a way to put a penis on our Christmas tree!” And he laughed with me like Santa with a shaking belly.

Sliding onto the ottoman at the edge of our new couch, next to the pickle and balls, I arranged my body into my sexiest pose, “Hey, Santa baby, why don’t you give this house elf a big hard present?”

Pulling my red panties down, he leaned in to lick my candy with his tongue massaging the soft tissue-wrapped bump until I spasm my gooey candy-filling into his mouth.

Then, my Santa baby flipped me over the edge of the couch, pushing his cane into me with a sucking sound, when I moan out loud, “Ride me hard Santa, I’ve been a bad wife! Smack my ass, and discipline me right!”

His silver balls slapping against me while I held on to the back of the couch, as if ready like Rudolf to shoot up and fly through the sky, red as if launched! His hard girth banging in so deep that we both came beside our Christmas tree.

(Boy, wouldn’t this be an AWESOME memory;)



dripping wax

For this holiday season, I’m going to do something different.

Each night I’m going to strike a match, inhale, then light a long white candle wick.

I’ll dream of dropping wax upon your skin, watching you react.

Each December evening, I’ll sit in front of that long white wick.

I’ll recall how in fall I tongue-teased you ’til you came and went.

Each lonely star-filled night as I go to bed a little wet, I’ll use my magic wand so you tease me too, for in love I repeatedly use you.

As January comes around and the ball drops a new one down, maybe by then you’ll be in my bed, not this damn blow-up doll instead.

Teasing Dick (erotic humor)

If I could…

I’d let you watch me undress

I’d bite your ear lobe

I’d nibble your neck

I’d put your face in my breasts

I’d tickle your thigh up to your dick

I’d swallow you tip to base

I’d take you in again and again

I’d watch your face as you explode

I’d beg for you to fill my hole

I’d put you in and off we’ll go

I’d ride your cock like a bull

I’d bounce and pound us a thrill

until we both yell, “OHHHH!”

And I’d fall over with sweat chills!



Friend with Benefits? (Erotic Humor)

As the fall rain

patters from above,

my heart beats

a sad rhythm of love.

Another grey day

to think time away

with you, my love,

a world from me.

Remember strip rummy

in my basement?

Naked pawing parts,

lips in a long kiss…

and after too much beer,

I belched in your mouth!

Beet red were my cheeks,

but we laughed and

returned to our mission


I threw my leg over

your hip for permission!

We rocked and rolled

and played, but…

never did you stick it in!

Why? I wonder much!

Even back then,

friends with benefits

didn’t work for us!

licking a pathway to my treasure box

warm bursts

of breath

on my neck,

flicker of a nipple

on my chest

by your tongue wet,

down you blow

licking a pathway

to my treasure box

below, hidden

in the folds

your tongue separates


tickling my valley.

your tongue prickles

my clitoris bump,

as your finger

in me slides up,

enveloped by

my pussy mouth

your finger slides

in and out,

then to help

moisten me more

a second finger

you give my core,

sucking my clit

with your lips,

while pacing fingers

to rhythmically slip

in and out quick,


I grasp the sheets

and arch my tits,

while you make

a quick switch,

your tongue now

penetrating my pussy,

you lick and suckle,

all the while

massaging rapid

fingering of my clit

until again you switch,


but this time, like your cock,

fingers three

you push them

in the out of me

quick thrusts now

my urges seize up

as you tongue-lashing

my clit till I scream

my cum to drip

into your mouth

giving you an odd smile

I’ll remember for a long while;)



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