An Angel

 

An angel!

Do you know

you ARE?

Acute pain

cannot reign

beneath your

hands and brain…

pennies paid

more deserved…

I’ve only got

adoration

and love

for the angel

therapist

sent to me

for motivation.

 

 

A Devil Buried Deep

An intimate conversation, like we shared, is dangerous for me. As I listened to you talk, I danced with a devil buried deep and became wanton for things I had to give up, like thrusts of lust and love-like kisses, a connection married people often miss. And that’s why I just pleasured my day with you in my mind and body. After you titillated me with all your perfectly worded honesty, that’s what your brain did to me. It turned me into a sexual fiend! I wanted to satisfy your every need.

Can I have a rainbow without greed?

 

 

She Speaks

 

Shall I speak to her again?  She’s not who I’m supposed to see, absolutely not for me.  Her love is obsessive, despite the time that passes.  It doesn’t make sense.  I’m her crazy addiction that pierces her mind with my permission because I need her in my corner – my secret adorer.

 

 

Love and Respect

Lips like yours need to be kissed with the bliss of love behind to show you how adored you are!

 

Skin like yours deserves to be caressed by hands you heal, the benefit of work—release then procured!

 

A mind like yours seeks to be assuaged with open support, a companionship of truth together!

 

You and me joined by unequivocal Love and Respect with NO regrets from now into forever!

 

 

The Therapist

Like pulling the trigger of a gun, she killed it when she wrote, “I love you.”

And in a card that said, “I tried to be good, but I got bored!”

Ridiculous. Right?

I couldn’t help but laugh every time she called herself “My Biggest Fan” like a teenager.

I want her.

She’s married.  I won’t get sucked into that drama.  I have work.

I want her.

However hard she tries me, we could never happen.

She gave ME up?

Ridiculous! Right?

I guess she gets it.  Because of the nature of my job, we could never make it.

She’s too lovely to be turned into work.

 

 

Please, Speak Again 

Breath in my ear, dear one, give me cause to pause and hear you speak, laugh, and sigh in that deep voice that gets me cloud-high, for you listen, my friend, but I must admit that it’s your voice that is the comfy chair I sit in to imagine furtive play in the middle of the day, you know, the kind that gets me to spasm in a savory, calming creamy-hot end.

How I miss those coy lips! Speak again, please, after this my friend. I want you to experience my ending to an imagined affair worth mentioning…

 

 

 

What You Deserve

You were right to keep me at bay, to turn your back on me and walk away. You deserve so much more than my “I”!

You should have stability in your bride. She has a personality that loves reality. She listens before she speaks sweet and owns a beauty that allows all to know the reason behind the skip in your step and your glow.

Yours is a woman who supports your every move, and she is the only one who looks in your eyes for love returned.

If I didn’t want your fantasy as your reality I’d hate myself. Instead, this crow will keep my adoration locked in a journal on the shelf. May you live long and prosper with your dove, for you deserve the most abundant love!

 

Princess or Shrew

Your blue pleading eyes jolted me like a Taser when I witnessed you with the Princess…

 

Her innocent skin that trembles beneath your touch.  Long legs like a runner, the Princess is just your type.  I know her smile. She holds her voice, sweet and meek.  I imagine you fit perfectly inside her, and that’s what I want for your life force: a Princess for my Prince.

 

I know you see me too, but I must confess, compared to her I’m merely a Shrew.  My days of youth have ‘bout run out, wrinkles crinkle my forehead, and my eyes are fading to grey.  I speak with humorous curt because I can’t help but blurt out my love for you, a young Prince who would never fall in love with a Shrew.

 

 

My Idol

You were my idol

I was your biggest fan

unfortunately, I still am.

You were too perceptive:

Me, you understood,

even your perspiration

gave me motivation.

Like a humming bird

I longed to take a lick!

Your sweet nectar,

I urged you to purge.

Instead you turned cold…

I hope all your dreams

are working out sound!

A kiss I blow on the wind

to the one I still miss.

 

 

Envision With Me

A meadow,

a slow stream

misty air,

like a dream,

birds echoes

float from trees

limbs reaching

down and around

leaves laughing

in the breeze

coolness cleans

my lungs

lips parted

in the shadows

silencing my tongue

with the sun

warming my soul

whole I lie

in this picturesque

meadow.

Your hand

laid out

finger tips

caressing

finger tips

like petals…

no need

just peace

in a place

of closed lids

I go to escape.

In times

of chaos

my mind

finds you,

so I created

a meadow

for us two

where I can

love the memory

of your touch

and miss you

a little too much.

 

 

 

Oh, What I Would Do

Oh, what I would do

to see your face

to have you hold me

in a warm embrace

to look and see stars

in your eyes too

to feel the passion

in both me and you

to touch your perfect parts

to bring you pleasure in love

enough to fill your heart.

Until the next time we meet,

I will relive you in my sleep.

 

 

 

 

Beat, My Heart

Come back to me, heart!
Stop missing his spark!

You need to beat sans remorse…
Why can’t you do it once more?

But not a funeral drum,
beat new pleasures to come!

Lost love won’t break you,
It only made you drum blues…

The only choice is to let go,
Allow new dreams to drum now!

 

 

The Sun’s Contrast

Will you be my sun coming up as the lonely night is done?  Warm my head, my limbs with your kiss and star-hot hands, a love grown that I cannot dismiss nor forget since it burned me so when you left.

 

You know the devotion to you, who was always so much above, yet you stay unaffected by my love, like a god who will never answer my prayer.  I must accept you can’t be here.

 

My world stays bathed in darkness and without you it feels stark, a contrast that is as inescapable as a shark in this cold abyss as I bleed, pleading for a reprieve from the emptiness of never having you again shine on me.

 

 

Good Night, Sweet Prince

to abandon the desire for you smashes a hammer unto my intestines

each breath is exhaust heaving to expel the pictures of you that make me quiver

the weight loss of friendship leaves upon my chest is heart breaking

yet never would I give up the short time I had to know you, for you changed me

 

 

Stop It Already

It’s time.  Stop the love sharing in texts and blogs.  Stop with the skewed perception.  Trust me, I don’t even miss you.  At this point I know what crazy does when she falls in love too much.

 

Don’t think me cruel, but I was never into you.  I used to think you were cool talking to.  These days I wonder, “Where did that chick go?”

 

I know now how far you’ll go to make your true love blind, and that’s why I’m leaving thoughts of you far behind.

 

 

 

 

From Prince to Frog

You turned from a Prince into Frog.  Now, however long you sit upon this stone, I don’t know if the rebirth of a beating heart could break out.

 

Hardened by nurture and jaded by waves, I know not what might wriggle still in my shell.

 

If I were yanked from beneath you and thrown with the force to break apart the knots within me just enough to catch the salty air security of breath on some shoreline wall…

 

maybe then I could live without missing the warmth of you and enjoy a shattering rebirth.

 

 

 

I Breathe You

As I dream, I breathe you, so close to touch. Gone so long, I should have forgotten you and love denied. Why won’t my brain let you die? Since you scars and holes cover my soul, with traces of you imprinted in memory. Now, dreams bring you to haunt me, stirring my passions to lose control!

 

 

All My Ado

All my ado doesn’t bring me to you. However flavorful you taste coming from my pen, writing you doesn’t make me feel fulfilled again. If only I could starve myself of the food you were when you and I were together and life was good! Maybe then the gong in my gut that continues to mourn you with a pound would instead calm my soul. Time makes me crave that I pretend you never existed at all.

 

 

What Was It About You?

Why can’t I finally

Let go of you?

 

Your smile and

Your laughter

You captured me

When you spoke,

Such spontaneity

When you joked

 

A wealth of wise

Words we once

Upon a hard time

exchanged

 

I, without a doubt,

An addict became.

Your personality

Shines vibrantly

Who could blame

The love that came?

 

Sexy walking

In and out

Of my door

Until it closed

Forevermore

 

 

From Doves to Crows

I’m ready to fight my bout

with my unrequited love:

“Cupid,” say I, “Put on your

bright red boxing gloves!”

Love sickens me with a stuffed nose.

The doves have turned to crows.

So BEGONE! Be gone your visage

with eyes so smart as to see my heart!

Done with dreaming of me and you!

Done with thinking and being blue!

 

 

Dear Non Entity:

 

My love, this is how I must remember you…

He does not exist.

His is a story I created.

The main character is my IDEAL man!

He is NOT real.

He did not break my heart.

I broke my heart with HOPE.

 

His face is still when pictured because he is NOT real.

Infatuation became obsession of an IDEAL.

I hurt for what I could have controlled.

I let my heart explode on his table.

It was not exciting.

It did not feel good.

 

I do not love him.

I love the idea of him.

I make the story from what I want.

The ghost I’ve made of him is ready to haunt.

 

Ghostbusting is now my new job.

All at the stake of my Non Entity Love.

 

 

Oh, My Muse

Oh, my muse, how I hate missing you!

I wake up at night with a breathless fright!

“My best friend, my muse, is no longer near my face!”

I close my eyes to fall back asleep.

“You’re beautiful,” I say, staring up at his sky eyes that possess my clouds.

Stuck, he can’t speak.

In bed, I shake my head for relief.

My window holds the light of an icy snow-filled storm to guide me, my wheelchair, and my cats to the garage.

I smoke to find my peace in a piece of mind where my muse haunts my dreams.

I hate that I still can’t elude late night thoughts of you, my once in a lifetime muse!

I hate that fate paved us a road that ends dead instead of continuing on in a companionship with adventures ahead.

If I could go back and experience you, my muse, once more, here is how I wish it would go:

My muse walks up the ramp of my van, gleaming with good cheer.

“Hello, friend!” And with that he’d hug me hard, his ear buried in my shoulder, his lips near my neck, upon which I’d feel his breath.

I take his head in my rough hands and kiss both cheeks.

Orbs of truth say, “I’ve missed you.  But, I have to get back to work.”

My muse then would grasp my hand, “I’ll see you soon…”  And slowly he’d back away, not letting go.

“Remember,” he’d stop head outside my open door, my hand in his, “You’re beautiful too, and truly I did love you.”

The lips of my muse would press a hot tattoo on the top of my hand and away he’d disappear into the place where we first met.

 

 

Mental Health Advice to the Self

STOP thinking about thinking!

It leads to inner confusion

of what is best

wrong seems right

with righteousness suppressed

the heart keeps a faint beating

empty and ready

to be filled

with passionate thrills

surprises that circumvent

thinking about thinking

of a dark path past…

Then, I can let back in

the feeling of being blessed

through those who surround me,

for by connecting

with my NOW

I can finally become

mentally well!